At Your Pleasure.

I thought I told you of that am sure
You know I love you, that is real
I would not fake it not with you
Though sometimes I say things ,do stuff
Love wouldn't do
It does  not mean I feel any different
Am just mean


Its here in my heart, you see it in my eyes
I try believe me ,perfection is an art,
am not any good
When my lips move,maybe I lie
I don't mean to , trust me
You look at me with that wry smile
Am sorry I cant help it
Am just mean



I go silent for days
My dreams they consume me
Even in my darkest moment
Somewhere in my heart you lie
I know am trouble , I just cant do it right
You see but you stay
Am just mean


I scream when I want to, I just have to sometimes
I take when I want, its convenient for me
Your comparison my contrast
I love you that I know
I told you of that am sure
So if you love me its at your pleasure
Am just mean ...am I?

The Man

There is that distant look in his eyes
You can tell he has seen things, heard voices
The calculated steps...the lingering thoughts
A deliberate pause whenever he speaks
Sometimes his voice raised..some days a soft texture
Whatever it takes to get his point home


The lines on his face I would draw with love
For my sake he worries , for my gain he struggles
A hearty laughter, an escaping tear
Broken words for the sad tales
Too many over the years..wish I could share
His burden lighten..


The simple things..they make him happy
A  way to keep the troubles away
His dedication, his resilience a character to admire
The warm look in his eyes
When I look into my fathers eyes..I see a man that has made his choices right
I see the image..a reflection of me
I see nothing but love

SLEEP IT OFF.

You take off your clothes and take a deep,
Glaring into the silent night,
lone eyes,
A broken heart,
You cut your hair and change your look,
You hate him for leaving you, hate yourself for losing him,
loving him.

To your friends you say"I dumped the slop",
He was no good you finally realized,
In their hearts they feel sorry for you, but they laugh it off,
...you are better off alone they say...


You fake a smile put some makeup on,
Spend the night in a lonely pub, dancing away your life,
Reality awaits you upon dawn ,
Sluggish steps you feel insignificant,
The sky you craved for you trod upon.


You pray to God the *bitch who stole your love turns ugly,
Fact is she is damn pretty,disappointment has a name,
Big girls don't cry they curse,
You turn your doll house to a drug house,
You have lost the faith it seems,
You are too far gone your friends say,
Has it come to this?

Then his face you see in the dark,
He has come to save you after all,
Someone he used to love,
In his arms he holds you all night long,
The lights have deemed on you,
Sleep it off...never wake,the world is an evil place my dear.

 Coming Of Age:


There are days I used, to say to myself,
oh life! What a pain
 That haggard look, that tired face..that broken spirit,
I dreaded the dusk, and hated the dawn in equal measure,
I really never had reasons, I cant remember any you know..
 I must have thought that's how best to face life,
My bones cracked under my own skin...what a shame

 The laughter beyond was like a mocking echo..
I wore life on myself like a dusted coat...
Making sacrifices for undeserving souls,
How I still remember those weary games.

Then someday I woke, from the long slumber
and thought oh my! what a fool I had been,
all those years
I looked around and saw warm faces,
Yes it could be, that the love in peoples hearts can triumph evil
So this days I think, I don't mind going round in circles,
Something good can last forever..
You just need to see it that way..
Be the King or the queen of everything
I look yonder and see green
It was always there I just never saw it all along

It feels like the coming of age

Someone I love:

 

That day we met,
 I was lost and lonely, in a lively crowd,
Trying to get stuff off my mind,
       At first I thought.what a bother!

But you would not go you said..
The tilt of my head when I laughed,
the curve of my lips you loved

I thought you were lying, like all other boys
You held my tiny hand, so delicate I couldn't
hurt,
You asked if you could take me down the road,
  Somewhere warmer and lovely,
I had LOVED and HURT,
  I was unsure but that look..
Like you could cry if I said no

Against my gut I said, would it kill to try?

I could sing I told you,
  So I sang you a tune, that you said sounded like LOVE
You loved my voice you said
Oh I wrote you a poem too,
A few letters full of grace,

So here we are a few months,
And there is no place I would rather be..
You still listen to my love songs,
And still read my poems..

YOU ARE SOMEONE I LOVE!!!!

 
Fifteen minutes;
 
Dark alleys, cold nights
   she is shaking from the fear,
sneezing from the chill..
She looks around and hides her face,
So here she is, she can do it she tells herself..
A woman does whatever it takes,
      flashy clothes, high heels

She hums a tune to keep her aloof,
The thoughts they flood her head..
No not today, she don't want to think,
The sight of the man disgusts her,she muses
Grey hair, rounded stomach, hollow eyes..
So unfeeling like a machine, her fifteen minutes are..
For peanuts , she sells her soul
Grabs her clothes at the corner,
She counts them to seven that night,
Long night! Strange men...for her its just the beginning..

   In the morning she will wash away her guilt...

The good old days:



This lonely lands were once vibrant with playful souls..

We ran up those hills and danced in the rain,...
    in the river we swam aware of our parents wrath
       oh! the mango seasons were a call to crawl under barbed wire without the farmers knowledge

We filled up the seats in Sunday school and recited memory verses,
   there is a boy I liked I remember, the butterflies in my stomach...
                  how fast time passes 
this loney lands were once filled with laughter,
      echoes of worried mothers , shadows of young lovers...
These strange faces with distant looks used to be playmates,
    now the playfields are green with grass,
 dont ask me why I miss the yester years; the distant look is all I will give you 

my childhood memories will long remain ...I refuse to forget the good old days...@carolapoems